All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
