See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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