he wants to bone in the snuggie
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
