I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
