every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
