Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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