Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
