so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
