he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
