K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
