Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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