I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
