Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
