Can Purell be used as lube?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
