I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
