I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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