in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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