If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
