I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
