he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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