Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
