She went from zero to smokin in five shots
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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