i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
