I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
