put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
