mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
