I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
