last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
