I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I enjoy the company of your penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
