i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
