Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
