I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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