Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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