I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
