I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
