Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
