I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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