You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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