he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
