dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
