ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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