if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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