saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
