He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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