At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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