I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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