belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
