i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize