Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
