This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
