Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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