His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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