so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
