I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
