Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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