Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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