too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
