btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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