just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
