why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
