she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
