your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
