well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
