We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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