I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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