please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize