I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
