Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
