I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
